Clay Aiken

Blogged !!!!

October 3, 2008

Last night, on his official Fan Club, Clay blogged regarding the recent announcement that he is gay. I thought it was an amazing blog and since he said it could "travel", I am posting it here in it's entirety. (That way I can find it easier, later, LOL)

Killing the elephants in the room.

10/03/08

What a week or so this has been. In fact, it's just been
two weeks since I started back to the Spam. Jerome and I were just talking the other day, though, about how the past two weeks have felt like a month. So much routine to get back into and yet so much routine and consistency to break. No doubt, many of you have been going through quite a bit over the past week or so yourselves. What a bunch of headline news we have had in the past 10 days! Wall Street falling to it's knees. Congress propping it back up. Two debates. Hijackers in Somalia. New leaders in South Africa and Japan. You'd think with all of the important events going on in the world, there would be plenty to fill
up the pages of America's newspapers, websites and blogs without the need for information on the private lives of the country's singers and entertainers. But, alas, thats never the case. In fact for the last five years, I've found what seems to have been an inordinate amount of interest (not from the public, but from the media) in my own personal life. The questions never seemed to stop. Oh sure, they die down for a period, but they resurface. The wind blows another
direction, and I do yet another interview worried that my personal life will become a topic of discussion. No doubt the birth of Parker would bring the same scrutiny, just heightened. It's an interesting time we live in. Gone are the days when entertainers could go about their lives without the invasion of privacy that we now see everyday in the form of paparazzi and internet tabloid bloggers. So, in the hopes of being able to sing and act (and dance poorly) and do what I love to do for a living while raising my son in a hopefully more private and accepting environment, I chose to go ahead and confront things head on. Yes, I would have preferred to separate my personal life from my professional life. I would have been just as happy to go on without discussing my orientation. But, it seems like that was not an option. Make no mistake, its not because I am ashamed. No, not for a minute. I haven't always been as comfortable as I am now, but I am without a doubt, proud of who I am and make no apologies for it. Instead, I would have been happy to have kept my personal life private for that very reason. Because it's personal life and I have always considered myself a private person. But, living as myself without discussing my sexuality publicly would have been as impossible. One chance to expose the truth
would have been a payday for any greedy opportunist.

I went to American Idol, much like many of us did "back in the day". Naive. Unlike the contestants who join up today, we had no idea of the power and pull of Idol when we signed on. (I'm sure many of us season two folks like to think we are the reason the show got so big!!! ;-) ) There I was two months off of the biggest show in the country, sitting at a table with a reporter from Rolling Stone who was asking me every single question I would never think of. Twenty-four years old in the rest
of America is a LOT younger and more naive than twenty four years old in the media business. So when this guy started asking me about things that I didn't really know how to answer for myself... things that I was not yet ready to admit to folks like my mother and my family.... things that I found intimidating and invasive, I responded in what I assumed was a benign way at the time. I attempted to "out spin" a professional. I wasn't as good as I thought I was. But, I have no regrets. The truth is, I don't apologize for the responses I gave to that reporter or any reporter over the past five years. I did make every attempt I could after that one interview to never say "I am not gay" or "I am straight". And I never said either. (some interpreted my vague answers to mean that... but I never said either) Some will say thats misleading. In truth, it might be defined that way. But, a better definition and a more accurate way to describe it for me, is a redirection and an attempt to change the topic to something that matters more. For some of you it won't be enough, but I can't
apologize for keeping my personal business to myself. If someone feels that they were mislead, I can totally understand that viewpoint and apologize for that feeling, but I can't apologize for how I handled questions that affected me and my right to privacy.

In my opinion, sexual orientation is ALWAYS a private thing. I think the OVERWHELMING majority of people agree with that. Why in the world
should someone's sexual orientation be a news item? Why should anyone care? Yet, for all we espouse as a society about tolerance and open mindedness we forget to allow folks the opportunity to be who they are without judgement. Making a decision to come out to family is a difficult and heavy decision. But, for every young man or woman who is struggling with it, it should be a decision that is made on his or her own schedule ONLY. It's never acceptable for anyone to make such a decision for anyone else nor to coerce someone to take such a significant step before they are ready. Not a friend, not a stranger, not the media. So, I waited until the time was right for me. For that I can't apologize either.

There are plenty of you who have anticipated this blog in hopes that I would "set the record straight" or "admit to lying for five years and apologize for it". For that small group of people, I am afraid I will have to disappoint you. My decisions over the past five years have been made with lots of deliberation and at times even heartache. Always with concern for folks who might feel mislead. Don't doubt that. But they have also been made as an attempt, not to hide my true self, but instead to allow myself the same liberties and rights that every single gay man and woman in the world should have... the right to determine for myself when I was ready to discuss my personal life. In as much as that, at
times, was interpreted as misrepresentation, I feel badly. But I reserved that right for myself and I can't say I regret it.

I have endeavored over the past several days to allow folks to vent and express themselves as freely as possible without restriction on these message boards. There is no way to change a person's mind when you tell them they are wrong. We all, when backed into a corner, have a human instinct to swing. Having different feelings and opinions and viewpoints are only natural. The only way to deal with that is to accept everyone's right to disagree, and allow them to discuss their feelings. I always have, and I always will. That said, it hasn't been, nor do I imagine it will be, my intent to make the message boards or the OFC a clearinghouse or discussion zone for sexuality or such topics. I hope we can always continue to discuss the same things we have always found important. The need for inclusion for children with disabilities. The desire to make sure every child in the world has access to their basic needs for survival. And any other topics that will make our neighborhoods, our regions, our country and our world a better more acceptable place (where that relates to issues involving sexuality, I hope we are able to advocate, at those times for the acceptance of others)... and I hope we will all still use the message boards for the lively discussion of the need for better entertainment and music in the world!!!! ;-) That said, as of this posting, I have asked the moderators to archive the thread regarding the People magazine article and close it from discussion. For those of you who are still struggling, I encourage you to continue to talk to your friends and neighbors and fellow OFC members in the thread devoted to such support. It is not going to be as easy as accepting something over night, but I believe that we are on the right track. The moderators will resume their regular duties of moderating the boards in the fashion that they did prior to last week, and I (and hopefully all of us) will resume our routines in the same fashion as well. Talking about music, talking about potential tours and other performances and appearances, talking about me forgetting my lines of tripping on stage in Spamalot, and discussing with our friends how many times we have seen the show and will see it! (And... looking forward to the announcement of out Playbill contest winner!!!)

Finally, I will say that, also representative of most every other gay man and woman in the world, that I am not defined by my sexuality. No more so than each of you are defined by your sexual orientation. No more than a man or woman is defined by race or ethnicity. It is, simply, a small facet of the same person I have always been. Most of you realize that nothing has changed. I hope to continue being able to entertain you in the same way I have for the past five years. And I hope you will allow me to continue to inform you of the causes that I find important and entertain you with the music and performances I love. For I love and cherish you all. Yesterday, now and forever.

c

Be sure to go see Clay in Spamalot in NYC if you get the chance. It's a great show.

Clay Aiken
Spamalot

Clay Aiken

New Dad

This last year has been an eventful one for Clay. Starting with Spamalot on Broadway in January, a new album - "On My Way Here" in May, becoming a father in August, announcing he is a gay man in September AND returning to Spamalot as well for the balance of the year. WOW.

I would suspect the baby, created with love via IVF with his friend and record producer, Jaymes Foster, is the icing on the cake for Clay - and Jaymes, too. With my ever bulging collection of freebie digital scrapbooking pieces I put together a scrapbook page. The baby's name is Parker Foster Aiken and will be raised by both Clay and Jaymes in their homes in Raleigh and Los Angeles. Parker and Jaymes will be joining Clay in NY for the Spam run as well.




The gay part - or as I often referred to it in my mind "the elephant in the room" came as no surprise to me although I had decided some time back that since he was self identifying as straight, who was I to question it. It's kind of rude, actually to question a person in that manner. Not that the media minded being invasive. A quote I saw somewhere -

Privacy and security are those things you give up when you show the world what makes you extraordinary. by Margaret Cho

Certainly he gave up both when American Idol was over and he embarked on his career. Jerome, his body guard, was there from day one as were the gay rumors. Here are some clips of the interview he did with Diane Sawyer on GMA.


September 25, 2008 Clay Aiken: I'm a Gay Dad

September 26, 2008 Clay Aiken on Fatherhood



The fans are dealing with it fairly well. Most, like me, kind of had a moment of shock when they first saw the People Magazine cover, thought for a moment and then went "Oh, of course he is, that explains it all. When is the next tour?" There are those that have left the fandom. The fundamentalist Christian segment - you know, those that believe being gay is a "choice" (yeah, sure) and a sin and and totally unforgivable, constitute the bulk of those departees.



Some fans are all hung up in the idea that he has been lying to us - his not telling the world years ago was not lying, nor am I particularly blaming him for saying he was not gay the few times he actually answered the innappropriate question with a "no" in the beginning. How can you be lying when you are protecting your family and trying to come to grips with a reality that is contrary to the way you were raised and your family and friends believe. OK, maybe he did, technically, lie. So what. So would I under the same circumstances. It took him awhile - he said Kim Locke, who he met during American Idol, was the first person he told. Coming off Idol with microphones stuck in his face what the heck was he supposed to do? It was all still a new concept for him and he hadn't told his family. What should he have done? Wave at the camera and say "Hi mom, by the way, I'm gay". Duh. I admire him for putting his family first.



I do have empathy for those who, in the end, cannot deal with either the fact that Clay Aiken is gay or the fact that he wasn't ready to tell us and told some self protective fibs. But. I have to admit I don't understand the more extreme reactions.



At any rate, I'm certainly OK with it (as are most of the fans on the boards I frequent) and am looking forward to my visit to NYC in January to see Spamalot again. It's a goofy, funny show and Clay fits in wonderfully well with the seasoned Broadway cast. I will miss Jonathan Hadary as the King and Hannah Waddingham as the Lady of the Lake. They were supurb!!!



I've been downloading freebies all day. There is a blog train starting today with the theme of Fall. All the designers used the same color pallet and there are about 50 participants in the train. Check out digifree and ikeagoddess for links to ALL the freebies. I had to stop downloading all of them and just focus on what I MIGHT use in the future. Overwhelming, LOL.

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